Sunset and Sunrise

In order for a new day to begin, one must end. To land in Fiji, I must leave Thailand. Unfortunately, I cannot be in both places at the same time. I knew the day would come, it was no secret to me, but knowing it wouldn't last forever hasn't made it any easier to accept that this trip through Thailand would, at some point, reach its end. Its mortality troubles me, and it is suffocating my ability to write this post.
Before my find my ability to complete this post utterly stifled and before my raw feelings evade me, I want to be sure I bring to light a very special person whom I've mentioned only briefly in a previous post.  Her name is Kitima Maleehom.  She is responsible for single handily stirring a radical change of heart within me.  Like I had noted in a previous post, she had given Anthony and I an excellent deal on a bungalow which was extended another night.  We paid a fraction of what she usually charged, but this first gesture was only the tip of the iceberg however, and I would soon realize the full extent of her genuine and kind nature.  I believe that typed words are truly incapable of describing Kitima; it would be an injustice to try.  The best way to understand what I'm blabbering about is to meet her personally; I wish this for everyone.  In fact, here are the details you'd need to do so.  The name of her resort is Banyan Bay Vila.  Its address: 292 Moo 2, Sriboya, Nueaklong, Krabi 81130.  Her mobile phone: +66 86 102 5248.  The website: http://www.banyanbayvillas.net/.  I may be able to describe properly the experience she bestowed on us verbally, so I'll have to wait to meet you in person to tell you exactly how I feel.  What I can do now, however, is describe the change.  Kitima's personality is shaped to "pay it forward."  Many times during the two short days we spent with her, in the midst of the thousands of thank yous Anthony and I had expressed, she kept reminding us how different the world would be if everyone would adopt the "pay it forward" attitude.  Her degree of "paying it forward," however, was unlike anything I had ever experienced.  Shamefully, I must admit that at the onset of her hospitality, I was a bit apprehensive; I wondered if she was truly genuine.  The proverbial saying "too good to be true" ran through my mind many times during the first couple of hours of our acquaintance.  Soon, though, I realized that she was 100% genuine and had only the purest intentions.  I came to this conclusion (it was further reinforced throughout the duration of our stay) because of her actions. Of which, as stated before, are best expressed verbally.  What she had indirectly helped me realize, in the end, was that I, like most people, approach others with a barrier (that I place) between me and them.  I speculate who they are as a person, what their intentions, and whether or not they are genuine long before it is appropriate. This barrier is has an equally ugly cousin which goes by the name First Impression.  These barriers are grotesquely unfair and limit an infinite amount of opportunities for each and every one of us.  I also use this barrier to give myself the impression that I am completely independent person, and that I can make things happen solely by myself and with little to no help from others.  Because of this barrier, I have (and always have had) troubles accepting help from others in whatever form it may be.  I stumble, for example, to graciously accept the groceries my parents so generously provide me.  There are no insinuations when it comes to parents buying groceries for their children. It is solely their duty they happily recognized and happily accepted when I came into this world: to feed me and help me grow as a person.  My delusion of independence began to secede when I realize that no matter how hard I planned this trip, no matter how much I read, no matter how much time I invested, there was absolutely no way I could have experienced what I experienced during my stay with Kitima solely by my own efforts.  It was her, not me, that deserves all the credit for such a wonderful time.  My independent efforts had nothing to do with it.

The best course of action now, for me, is to keep honing the new found ideas and better myself as a person. I challenge you to join me in letting your guard down a little, and (if comfortable) maybe get rid of it completely, and let life happen.  It worked well for me, and I'm betting it will be the same for you.

I end this post with higher spirits then when I started.  I have written down how I feel, and because of that I can now fully recognize it and return to it whenever I feel I'm misguiding myself.

For me, Thailand's sun is setting and it's nearly dusk.  Its dusk, though, will allow for a new dawn which will give birth to a new Fijian sun soon.

I've only started.

Anthony, Kitima, and I on the deck/sitting area of her wonderful restaurant